Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
wow bdsm is so cute
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
