I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
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& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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