Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
