dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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