it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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