i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
