If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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