I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
