If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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