Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
