I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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