My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
