genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
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Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.