so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket