wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
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He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?