She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
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I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE