I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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