Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
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mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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