ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
