I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
