OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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