the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
