take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
