I looked at my own cervix.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
