Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
