Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
