This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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