I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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