I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
