shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
