alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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