I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is classic penis vs brain.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
