I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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