I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
