It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
