literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
