She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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