i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
