somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
