she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
