I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
