1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
