You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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