11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
