he looks like a really good dad on facebook
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
im on a boat
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