The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
