All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
