that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
