your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
