I cut my penus on the lid.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
