Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
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one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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