There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
