So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
