Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
