what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
