you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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