I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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