dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I cut my penus on the lid.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
