i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
