You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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