Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
All I want is dick and wine.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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