i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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