Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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