What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
