Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
